This very last night into this very morning 3-2-2020 in a dream that was no dream, my wife, Sally and I had 'traveled' to see Barb. She sat on a couch and was speaking to us and the small group that was there of her life in God and His life in her. At one point, I reached out my hand and put it on Barb's shoulder and neck to see if it was real, and it was. Not your normal dream. I don't really understand it.
The meeting lasted a long while and as I visited with other attendees I began my own personal grieving process. In her speech, she was saying a few, "do you remember when?" and some of what she said was like, "do you know that". It was a very full night and, as always, Barb had no judgment for my imperfections, and she knew them well, as she had always been the one I could call when I had a fall, or was angry, or ready to give up, or overtaken in a sin. She would always know when to stop me and to say, let's pray and she would and I would break, like I am breaking now while writing this.
One time Barb called me from Finland or someplace 'over there' and she was weeping. The Lord in me immediately said to me to tell her "I am her land-Lord". I stopped her and told her what I had just heard in the Spirit and her tears turned into rejoicing. She said to me, "Thank you, That is just what I needed to hear. I just lost my flat" (That's what they call an apartment in strange places.) So, at that moment, she was homeless, rejoicing in God in a strange land. Can you still hear her voice that was mostly a mixture of tears and rejoicing. A certain crack in her voice. Yes…
One time, She and maybe some of her travelers came to stay with us a few days. The calls started to come in. One couple called me and asked, 'Ray can we come over and talk. We are having some marriage problems. They came and Barb and I prayed and counseled them in our living room. When we worked together on those types of things and on some of her writings and mailings, there was some kind of imparted anointing that was both exciting and convicting.
The dead baby brought to her in the middle of the night, the trip to Switzerland that my daughter went with and they got stranded for three days in Yugoslavia because of overbooked flights. That one boy from Iceland that asked for prayer in one of the Schuyler meetings and Cecil, Peter and Burt and one more could not cast out the demon… I can still hear the noise of Barbs' hard shoes walking up to the platform and as she laid hands on that stoical boy, she cried out lout, "Thor and Odin, I know you, come of or him and leave him alone". Some of you may remember that boy making noises like a volcano and then he fell down and some thought that he died and might have started to resuscitate him, but he got up a new boy and walked around the whole congregation and shook everybody's hand and said, 'Thank you, Thank you, Thank you… I had lunch with that boy after and he had gone from proud and stoical to humble and thankful.
The memories and anointed experiences would fill 20 pages and more and I know that I must stop soon. Let me also say, that giving offerings to Barb was almost akin to something like magic. (probably not the right word to use in this group, I understand) Same day- 10 fold results in my hand in cash with joy. The Lord loves a cheerful giver and it was more like awe and hilarity. The Lord was every time, faithful and, like I said, same day the envelope went into the mail it was back into my hand. I can't explain it but nobody can explain God's economy. We think 2 plus 2 = 4, but it is really like 4 minus 2 = 8. Oh, Hallelujah! God taught me this through the experiences with Barb. We all need to really know it in God.
As I began to wake up from might night long visit at her wake with Barb very much alive, I laid there this very morning and soaked it all up and wondered if it was a dream or a visitation or what I needed out of it and then saw Barb 'somewhere' with a new white flying suit. It had some kind of wings but they did not flap much and she did take offs and landings, touch and go and then as she got the hang of it she did not land, but there was much elation and joy and she was moving by the spirit like she did when she was in the body, to the world and only Japan was not visited by her, and maybe a few other places.
Barb has learned to fly. She is wearing a strange looking white robe that probably has some kind of propulsion unit in it that I don't understand, though I saw it, and there is some kind of holy righteousness and a peace which makes no sense whatsoever according to this world's knowledge and a joy unspeakable and full of glory.
I want that. I want Him.
Lord, I thank you for Your Flow that I witnessed and needed through Your servant, Barb. Let that Flow flow through me as it has been and more and more until You come or I go. What else is there?
Even so, Come, Lord Jesus. And the bride also says, 'Come'.
The psychologists of today say that the grieving process is made up of five steps.
Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance.
This has only acceptance. But still I must stop and wipe my eyes.
Ray Gingrich
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